Shark's teeth & red rings

Let me start by saying memorial day weekend was awesome. Regardless of my neck being stiff the whole time and my 360 taking a shit it really was the most fun I've had in a few weeks. Relaxing, doing a little photo-trip to the beach, playing games and having a party was, well -- more weekends should be this good.

At the beach Jess and I dug for sharks teeth. There was a downed tree laying across the sand. It's bare, broken branches serving as sort of a sieve, separating sand from shell and tooth as the tide came in. It stretched out into the Bay for a bit and Jess said it resembled a boardwalk of broken limbs. She climbed all over it, searching for teeth. I mainly stuck to my own small corner of sand with my t-shirt on and my towel around my neck.

It's kind of peaceful out there at Chesapeake Beach. Quaint in a way.

Before we left, a man came up to us with a very large tooth in his hand. His body was tanned and he was super excited that he found such a large specimen. (Mah sharksteeth! Let me show you them!) He told us he was down a ways from us and he found this thing just washing around in the tide. As he went for it, a barge almost collapsed on him. His sunglasses were covered in sand as proof. He'd been coming here for 10 years and this was the first time he'd ever found something of this size. On his tanned back there were large dark spots like the kind you'd see in a Gorbachev caricature. His hands were hard and calloused. He was excited the way I'm sure archaeologists get excited. We entertained him for about 5 minutes until he moved on down the beach, showing his tooth to some other family.

When Jess and I got home we counted our teeth and decided we wanted to watch a movie. We would brave Blockbuster (bloodsucker) and rent The Fountain. It was good. Not the best, but good. There is a lot more meat in there I'm sure. It might take a few more viewings to get all the gristle out of it.

We also rented Pirates of the Caribbean for the Xbox 360. This is the game that killed my box. It probably wasn't so much the game as it was the fact that we didn't have the AC on and it was like 94 degrees in the apartment. Regardless, I have now earned my Red Rings. Microsoft is in the process of sending me out a prepaid RMA box and I should be back and gaming in a few weeks. No biggie really, I mean, it's not like it's the only 360 in the house.

We had a party on Sunday with a good turn out. I hope everyone had fun. 360 Guitar Hero 2 was cool and the fact that everyone was playing under my tag was even funner. Nothing like throwing a party and achievement-farming at the same time! Beer was had. Burgers, dogs and dirt-cake were consumed. And the whole thing wrapped up before midnight. That's how we old people roll!

Monday Jess and I just relaxed. I finished God of War 2 and picked up Odin Sphere which is freaking beautiful! A Sopranos marathon was running on A&E-HD and I think I watched 6 episodes before I noticed it was past bed-time.

Like I said, it was a great weekend, even if my neck was stiff the whole time.

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Another one down.

Just paid off another bill today. Gone.

So, that leaves two credit cards and a student loan. I'm pretty proud of myself right now. Gonna have some more money coming in that doesn't have to go directly back out. In two months I'll be in Japan and will hopefully have enough money to enjoy myself. After that, I can start saving and contributing to my retirement fund.

It's gonna be kind of a celebratory vacation.

I'm right on track to have the next bill paid off by early next year. Then it will be one credit card and a student loan. The concept of which seems so foreign to me that I might as well have just typed that in another language. One in which I am not fluent.

I've been in debt since I was in high school. I got a credit card and a job and I went a little crazy, as I'm sure a lot of people do. I'm sure there are Christmas presents for Kelly-Number-One in there that I am still paying for.

I can't wait to be done with it all. To finally cut the tether of my financial past. It's almost like being born all over again.

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I'm your Check Engine Light.

I'm on now.


Get pissed!

Edit: Kinda fixed it myself. *crosses fingers* Looked up how to pull the trouble codes online then went and put it into action. It's really not that hard. Then, compared code to code-database online. Trouble code 67 or P0420. Catalyst System Efficiency Below Threshold. Something to do with the catalytic converter. Directions said first step should be to reset the check engine light and see if it comes back on. It's been a week or so now and it's still off, so, maybe it was a false positive. Maybe my gas-cap wasn't seated properly or some nonsense.

Whatever. Fuck cars.

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Fear is a sickness.

I talk a lot of shit on here. I realize that. I talk a lot of big shit about getting motivated and being someone better than who I am. I talk shit all day about being a better person for the choices I've made and how I'm stronger for it. Little, meaningful observations and activities that make me a more alive person. I've talked shit my entire life.

In the end, fear is like a crippling illness. The truth is, I haven't been creative in a while and I have no one to blame but myself. If I don't start doing something about it, I will die in this job.

When I was in art school I had a problem with finishing my work. My portfolio was -- and still is -- full of unfinished works. One day, my drawing professor came over to my easel and told me if I never finished anything it would always be perfect. It's perfect because of what it has the potential to be. It's perfect because I never took the chance on fucking it up. She asked me what I was so afraid of.

Ten years later and those words mean more to me now than they ever did standing in a dingy, dark art class staring at some unfinished still-life.

It's true, if it's unfinished it can never be properly critiqued. I always have the "out" that it's not finished. I can put the excuse machine on auto-pilot and not ever finish anything. I'm good at that.

Thirty years on this planet and what do I have to show for it? A life full of beginnings. It's always perfect in the beginning. The beginning is the easy part.

Doctors today would tell me I don't finish things because I lack the attention span to do so. I have A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. or some other variant people make up to categorize and medicate what is essentially fear. That's what's holding me back, that's what it is. That's what holds us all back. Fear.

I'm having an odd day this morning. The office is different. People are talkative and jovial for a change. Maybe it's the weather. The winter cocoons are being shed.

This morning a guy I barely know came back into my office. Young guy, my age or a little older. He started talking about a documentary he wanted to start making. He asked me what the best route to go about that would be, what equipment he would need. Editing, shooting. What kind of camera to use and such.

WHAT. THE. FUCK. AM. I. WAITING. FOR?

Tomorrow the XL1s goes up for sale and as soon as it's sold I'm getting a new, smaller, easier to manage camera and I'm going to start shooting EVERYTHING. I don't care what it is, I don't care if it's just pretty landscapes. I don't care if it's boring or makes no sense. I don't care if it sucks. I. DON'T. CARE.

I need to stop being afraid of failure.
I need to start finishing something for once in my life.

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♥ Japan! ♥

After the last couple of weeks, going in and out with personal shit and ups and downs with the people in my life -- it feels really good to be able to write about something happy.

So, yeah, Jess and I bought a ticket to Japan over the weekend. I'm really, FINALLY going!

We're gonna stay here, in the Roppongi district. It's said to be a happenin' spot with happenin' night-life. Scary new lands! Exciting! I've been saving up for this trip two years now. It feels good to have put my money where my mouth is. I'll bring everyone back some souvenirs!

This also marks the first time in my thirty years of life that I will be leaving the country. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I just need to go.

Also, Jess and I said screw-it a few weeks ago and bought tickets and airfare to PAX in Seattle. We'll just be poor for a little while longer. I'm sure it'll be a weekend of pure nerding fun. I've always wanted to go and since E3 is all but extinct, this is the closest I think I'll get to a video-game convention.

July and August can NOT get here fast enough. Stone Cold Sciced!

This is going to be a year of travel. Both her and I have been saving for a while. You'd be amazed how much money one can save by not going out and spending eighty bucks at a bar Fridays and Saturdays. She's also been working a ton of O.T. and I've been trying to take on every little job I can. We've made interpersonal sacrifices, both of us, but in the end I believe it will be worth it.

On a non-related note: I'm four-hundred dollars away from having another bill paid off! And a year and a half early, I might add. After this, I will have two credit cards left and a student loan.

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Campus Shootings

I can't really add to this, so I'll just post it up.

In tragedy's aftermath, a call for reason
COMMENTARY
By Siva Vaidhyanathan

It's no one's fault a crazy person went crazy, sometimes things just happen for the worst.

With Jack Thompson, Dr. Phil and others jumping all over video games and movies as culprits, we need to remind ourselves that people have been killing people since way before movies and video games. If only there were more people in the media like this Siva Vaidhyanathan.

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Happy Aplha Zero...

Easter Plus Extreme.

Sometimes we go overboard and make our own wrapping paper for our gifts. Here is mine. Not really an Easter theme but amusing as only an inside joke can be.

You can thank Jess for this one, as I'm sure it will be forever burned into your nightmares. And in case you can't tell, that's me on the left and the original on the right. Good lord it's creepy! (Click for the full version)

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