03 November 2005

StarScream and Hutch

I used to write rap songs, well, Dennis and I. Our rap names were StarScream and Hutch, I'm Hutch, he's StarScream. We even had aliases for our aliases.

Hutch: Big Bully Bullocks, Squint Eastwood, Sparkamus Prime

StarScream: Scooty Puff Jr.

With song titles like :
01. Two Scoops A-Blazin'
02. Gi Joe’s one known foe, your mama’s toe.
03. Teddy Ruxpin’s got crazy rhyme bustin.
04. They call me Mr. Sarcastic...Shaggy Fan-Tas-Tic!
05. Bearded Mother of the Smothers Brothers
06. On golden Showers with Super powers.
07. I said "that chick's lazy", not "Patrick Swayze..."
08. Magic missiles and girly cat-whistles.
09. Santa Claus and Boss Hog's balls.
10. Lock, stock and two smoked out crazies, pushin' up daises.
11. Toe-tappin', fool-slappin' mischief.
12. Beatles songs about all-wool thongs

They made me laugh. They still do. They were so bad, but so good at the same time. Here's a highlight from one I wrote. I might post more if I feel like it, they tend to get a little graphic though.

Magic missiles and girly cat-whistles.

StarScream, StarScream, tsk tsk tsk / Why these kids think they can mess with this? / cleanin' up their style like our name was wisk / goin' on for miles like our christmas lists / We're the evil corporation for two-thousand-four / forget Enron we're harder core / the axis of evil is knockin' down your door / and sellin' your grandmother into slave labor / don't even think about savin’ her / we kept your lightsaber / I'm like the evil yoda except taller / and cuter / stealin' your shit like a rioting looter / using my force to run off on your scooter / cloggin’ up your brains like roto-router / cause I’m puttin’ on my cloak and wizard hat / servin’ up fools with my wiffleball bat / and killin’ off all your level nine mages / you think you can stop us? / we been here for ages / murderin’ dudes just like you / I’m level ninety / StarScream’s ninety-two / don’t test me kid I’ll summon magic-missile / makin’ all the ladies howl and whistle / burnin’ up your crew like a pile of thistle / cause we’re runnin’ things like Spacely Sprockets / lettin’ loose with our magic rhyme rockets / This is the norm for two-thousand plus four / runnin’ up in you like a high-priced whore / sellin’ out in the record store / makin’ all the kiddies foam for more / StarScream and Hutch are on the scene / out for hire like Hannibal’s A-Team / and B.A. Baracus / and that fool named Face / even that crazy ass Murdock couldn’t rock this place / not like us and that’s a fact / so step to this if you wanna get jacked / but otherwise you best keep your distance / we’re runnin’ full force like the Jedi resistance.


Mavlock The Midnightman said...

Damn, with lyrics like that, you could be the next internet(s) superstar! Right up there with MC Chris.

DelTron said...

How could you forget about Puff Scooty? although I now go by P. Scooty...

...for the ladies...


H said...

I miss StarScream and Hutch. Receiving a copy of your first rap was a defining moment in my life. Thank you, you two.

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